Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
