I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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