Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
