and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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