i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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