currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
