Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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