i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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