I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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