help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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