am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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