I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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