she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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