Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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