Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
