i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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