I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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