you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
