I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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