So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
