Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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