We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
