The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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