I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
