I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
