Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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