remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
