Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
