The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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