dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
