I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
