have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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