Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
