I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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