Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
