Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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