We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
