omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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