Ambien. No doubt about it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
