Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
