operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
