I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.