Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
