having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?