I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream