he shaved USA in his pubs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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