can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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