Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
