is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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