Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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