Yo dont text me then not text me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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