I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
