Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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