dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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