i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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