So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
