i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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