he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
