Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.