i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.