How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?