is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.