If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter