you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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