actually, I'm a sock model
i barfeds in our rink
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
