Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
