TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
