Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
