Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
