Where did you get a picture of my penis
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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