This girl is more easily done than said...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
