About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
