I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
