I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
