words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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