eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
