wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
