Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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