Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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