yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You were trust falling into bushes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
