Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
