Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero