She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is