how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.