the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We need a shit load of segways right now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm determined to sit on that face.