According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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