do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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